Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Looking Back

I was talking to a friend of mine and she was asking how often I go back and look at old pictures that I have on my hard drive.  Because they easily available, I look at them all the time.  Okay, not every day or anything but often enough.  Yesterday I went through all the pictures I took of my twins from March 9 to today.  I can't believe how far they have come.  The day they were born they couldn't even breathe on their own.  They weren't strong enough to turn their own head and they couldn't maintain their own body temperature.  Last night as I held Lucas I thought back to when Celia and I got a call in the middle of the night telling us that they had to intubate him because he had an infection and they needed to help him breathe so that he could fight off the infection.  I held Amelia and remembered the day they took her to the children's hospital in the city because they thought she needed a major surgery.  And I thought back to when Celia phoned me at home to tell me she was going to surgery within 4 hours so the babies could be born.  When I imagined how I would have my first children I never thought they would be a high-risk pregnancy born at 29 weeks by emergency c-section, intubated twice (each), and in the NICU for 2 months at 3 different hospitals.  I look back at it all and wonder how the hell I didn't have a mental collapse during this time. 

I have a feeling they'll be home this week.  Maybe that's when I'll have a mental collapse.

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