Funny

You Can't Handle the Truth Part 2

Sometimes when it looks like I'm thinking hard about something at work, I'm actually wondering what I'm going to have for dinner. Even in mid-conversation with someone.

One Step Closer

Today the twins were moved to the local hospital. No more driving across the bridge to see them! Woo hoo! They took a little time getting used to their new home but I think they'll like it. Amelia's doing great, still no problems. Lucas is doing much better now. He doesn't need any help breathing, but he still forgets once in a while. He looks better though. He's filling in a little more now and apparently he's starting to look like me. I don't really see it though - he's much better looking. Amelia looks like both her mommy and daddy but she does all the cute things that Celia does when she sleeps.

Baby Update

Both twins are back to Level 2 and breathing on their own. Tube feeds are going well for both and both are gaining weight. Lucas looks like his daddy and is one good-looking dude. Amelia looks like both her mommy and daddy and is starting to gain some weight so she's super-cute right now.

My sister-in-law said that when her daughter was born she was 4200 grams. My kids combined were only 2200 grams.

You Can't Handle the Truth Part 1

When my twins were first born I took a bajillion pictures of them but when I got home I couldn't tell them apart.

Why does the word "lisp" have an 's' in it?

I know I've been writing a lot about the birth of my children lately. Even though I fought the idea of it for years, I always knew it would be an exciting moment for me. So, if you thought the past month of entries was boring, screw you. Go write your own blog instead of living vicariously through mine - I know my life is way more exciting than yours. Anyway, although these twins have taken up a great deal of my time (apparently children do that. I read it in a book once), there have been some other things going on in my life too.

We finally got officially engaged. With a ring and everything. You should see the ring. Its fucking beautiful. Seriously, if you think the one you got/bought for/from your wife/husband is nice, when you see this one you'll be jealous and think, "damn, Oliver is one classy dude." Yes, I'm bragging about it. What are you gonna do about it? Huh? What? That's what I thought.

We repainted the house. No, not the outside, stupid, I live in a townhouse. We repainted the entire main floor so now the colours are bright and fresh. Very family-like.

Work is going well. It just really bugs me how it always seems to interfere with things like "life" and "fun" and "sleep".

We moved the computers downstairs again. They've been upstairs for a couple of years now but we're turning the old computer room into a baby room so we needed to clear some shit out. As in everything. Oh, and my wireless network sucks. I unsecured it so if you park in front of my house with your laptop you can steal my internet. I think there's someone out there doing this right now.

I've officially quit smoking for 3 months. Since January, I've had a total of 1 cigarette. Don't try to tell me I haven't quit if I had a cigarette, that's just stupid. Trust me, a smoker knows when he's quit. To celebrate I'm going out for a smoke. Just kidding.

I'm Obviously a New Dad.

I'm not much of a crier. I don't cry during movies, I don't cry at weddings or funerals, and I don't cry when Britney Spears goes to rehab. The past 2 weeks though, these babies are making me cry like... well, a baby. Sometimes it's frustration, sometimes it's because I'm scared for them, and sometimes it's because I'm literally overwhelmed with joy. Last Wednesday night we got a call saying Lucas wasn't do so well and needed to be intubated. Over the last few days I got more information and realized that it wasn't so much that he wasn't doing well, the little guy just needed a little help. I felt better and seeing him wasn't so hard. Today we went to the hospital and he had been extubated and was breathing on his own like nothing happened. I almost cried when I saw that he didn't have anything stuffed down his throat. I was able to hold it together for the whole visit until the nurse said that he might be getting promoted back to the West Side and back down to a Level 2. Okay, I didn't break down in tears or anything, but I was so happy to hear that I let a single tear fall down my cheek.

A friend of mine once told me that when she sees her 8 yr-old son win tae kwon do tournaments, she gets so full of joy she cries. I cry when I get the chance to actually hold my children in my arms and not see them in a clear plastic box. I fill with pride when I hear my twins are no longer level 3 and that they've moved to the West Nursery. And I'm probably the happiest guy on earth when I hear they are tolerating their tube feeds and the volume increases by 3mLs. Right now I'm praying that I'll be able to see them in tae kwon do tournaments or piano recitals or school plays.

Pictures

I've added the link to my pictures over on the right. -->

Shit

We got a call last night at 3am from the hospital to let us know that Lucas has an infection.  They stopped all his feeding, intubated him again, took blood samples, and did a lumbar puncture.  He also got moved back to the Level 3 side.  They put him back on the ventilator so that he can focus all his energy on fighting the infection.  At his age, fighting infection and breathing are still pretty difficult to do at the same time.  When I think about how small he is I get so scared for him.  Please pray that he'll be okay.

Wow

According to my site meter:

as of March 2, 2007
visits/week: 98
average/day: 14

as of March 16, 2007
visits/week: 207
average/day: 30

Just as Expected

I always knew that if our babies were going to be born at 29 weeks, it wouldn't be easy. I knew that at that age they would go back and forth in terms of 'stuff' they can do. I fully expected either Lucas or Amelia to go from breathing on their own and back to cpap and then breathe on their own again and so on. I figured that if they were digesting food, they would be better at it on some days and on other days, not so good. This past weekend I was so happy to see both of my children breathing on their own and having their diet increased in volume and frequency. Being able to hold them as we tube fed them has been the greatest feeling I've had as a father thus far. Doesn't sound like much but if when most of the time you see your children it's through a plexiglass isolette, just being able to touch them or hold them, even for just 10 minutes, puts a huge smile on your face.

The hospital told us that if the twins even had a set-back, they would call us and let us know. I always felt better that they would keep us up-to-date on how they were doing. Until I actually got a call from them. This evening they called and told me that Lucas needed a little bit of extra help remembering to breathe so they but some hi-flow nasal prongs on him. This isn't really a big deal - like I said, I always knew they would go back and forth until they were a little older (they're not even 2 weeks old yet). As the nurse was telling me about this, I felt a little numb. Was there anything I could do? No, he's fine now. Should I be concerned? No, this is normal. I finished painting my living room and an hour or so later I sat down and looked at today's pictures from the hospital. I don't think I've ever felt so crappy in my entire life. Never in my life have I envied my friends' healthy, full-term children more than now. Never have I been so... angry that my children weren't home with me. And never have I felt so helpless. To all those parents out there, did you ever promise your newborn child that you'd always protect them and take care of them? Well I did and I feel like I'm not doing anything.

Stupid

Okay, I'm not complaining about my TV or anything, but when the specs say it has a max resolution of 13xx by 768, it suggests a widescreen aspect ratio. So why, I ask, when you hook a computer up to it, it only supports 4:3 aspect ratios? This stretches my desktop and warps pictures and stuff. I can set the TV to display 4:3 but that wastes a lot of space on the sides. The computer displays quite nicely - clear and bright - on the TV so to use it as a monitor is perfectly acceptable (I wonder how games would look...) but I'd like to take advantage of the widescreen.

Still Growing

A couple of days ago, little Amelia's cpap was discontinued and she now breathing on her own! Also, both of them are slowly increasing their intake of breast milk so they should start gaining some weight pretty soon. We went to visit them and poor Amelia had to have part of her head shaved so she could get a scalp IV. They saved the hair for us and marked it "Amelia's first haircut". So cute...

Originally, they were in the East Nursery where the Level 3 babies go - the ones that need the most care. Usually the ones that are ventilated or in bad shape or born super early like my guys. This past weekend, they both graduated to Level 2 and were moved to the West Nursery. That means they are doing well and we shouldn't have to worry about anything. Once they hit a certain weight, they can be co-bedded in one crib. I'm sure they'll like that better - being separated like this must be real confusing for them. "Where's my brother? He was here a minute ago."

I tell ya, these two are real fighters. First they're born at 29 weeks, then they have to be taught how to breathe earlier then usual, then taught how to digest food earlier than usual, and now they're getting their heads shaved like some gang initiation.

Pictures!

Finally!

Remember its like a Life Network show so some pics really pull at the heart. Just kidding, they're just pictures of my family in the hospital. I remember when going to the hospital meant going to work. Now going to the hospital is like going on vacation - I can't wait to get there and I don't want to leave.

Getting There...

Today I finally got to hold Amelia. I rushed to the hospital after work and got there just in time to hold her for just 10 minutes. I didn't cry this time because I was too excited to just be holding her. She is so beautiful even behind the cpap and IV lines. Both her and Lucas' feeding schedules have been bumped up to 2mL every 2 hours (instead of every 3hrs) which means they are tolerating the feeds a better. Maybe now they'll start gaining some weight! They're still so small...

Yesterday Lucas' cpap was discontinued. He's now fully breathing on his own so there's nothing covering his face anymore except a tiny little feeding tube going to his nose. I knew that eventually he would lose his peripheral IV lines and would have to get one in his scalp and today he had one. It was so cute and sad at the same time. His head was shaved in the spot where the IV was and you could see the little IV going into his scalp. His hand were now free to wave around and boy did he ever wave them around! It was so cute to see him stretching and yawning. The nurse on tonight said she thinks Amelia would lose her cpap tomorrow morning so hopefully we'll be able to see her pretty little face again.

I know I haven't posted any pictures yet, but I'll get some up soon.

Home Alone

Well we're home now. Because of her discharge, we had to get a lot of things ready for when Celia got home and we couldn't be at the hospital when they were going to weigh Amelia. In other words, I didn't get a chance to hold her today but I'm going to try tomorrow. I thought it would be great to finally get out of the hospital and go home to lay in our own bed in our own room in our own house but... it just doesn't seem right to come home from the hospital after our babies were born without them. We got here, dumped all our stuff, sat down and cried that we came home alone. Will our babies be okay by themselves at the hospital? Do they know we're not close by anymore? Will they notice that we're not there as often? I don't know if any of these things matter to them, but they all matter to us. We don't want them to be alone there, we want to be close to them, and we want to see them often. Poor little babies, don't worry, mommy and daddy are always thinking of you.

Still Here

We're still at the hospital.  Wednesday will be day 5 post-op.  That's a long time for c-section to be in the hospital.  My old knee replacement patients who are in their 60's or 70's usually only stayed for 4 or 5 days.  I think the worst part for me is the crappy cot that I'm sleeping on.  My mom has been nice enough to go over to our house and do a little cleaning.  She did laundry and changed the sheets on our bed and washed the dishes.  I stopped off at home today to pick up some stuff and when I saw my bed I wanted to lay down in it so bad and take a nap in its glorious comfort.  No, couldn't do that, I had to get back to Celia.  Instead, I took a nap on my cot.  It was great.  I was wearing jeans and I was cold and the mattress on the cot wasn't centered so one edge had a metal bar digging into me.  I loved it.  I haven't watched tv either in 5 days.  I know there are some people that actually prefer this, but I like a little tv.  I'm dying here!  

Seriously though, the twins are doing great.  They are producing tonnes of milk when we pump and we have to start freezing it for the kids, who doing well to by the way.  

Amelia is getting a reputation as the feisty one with the nurses.  She's still on cpap but I'm told she's doing really good otherwise.  Right now she's a little jaundiced so she's under the tanning lights.  I don't think she likes the mask over her eyes cuz when I go talk to her she holds my hand (my finger) and doesn't let go.  It almost makes me cry. 

Lucas is doing well too.   He's on cpap too but I think he's the independent one.  He kicks stuff away and does all his stuff on his own schedule.  Like breathing and digesting food.  He'll have periods of apnea but the RT says that's normal for his age and that its just a phase and he'll get over it.  He's tolerating the breast milk once in a while but not all the time.  I tell him he needs to eat and grow and he just waves his cpap at me.  Yesterday I got to hold him for the first time.  He still had everything hooked up but they weighed him so he was out of the isolette anyway.  I got to hold him for about 15 minutes and for about 12 of those minutes I was actually crying.  I was holding my son!   Tomorrow, I'm going to hold my daughter and try not to cry. 

Hi, my name is dad

Lucas, 2lbs 6oz
Amelia, 2lbs 10oz
They'll be in the NICU for a while but right now they're doing okay.
Mom's still in recovery but she's doing okay too.

Now!

We're going to the OR now.  Next time I update my Live Blog I'll be a dad.

Another Day

We've been given another day with the babies inside. Right now, everything looks good enough to leave them in but we're taking it on a day-to-day basis. This is double good news for me. One more day for the babies and a day for me to run errands. Woohoo!

Almost

Yesterday when we were hunting for some NICU beds, the doc told us we almost had to go to Alberta.  That would have really sucked.

Observations

The past couple of weeks we've made a few observations.
1.  Our local hospital has a nicer maternity floor (then again, its much newer).
2.  The dad chairs that convert into beds are medeival torture devices. The one I'm on now dooesn't even go flat.
3.  Celia: "they have good-looking doctors here."
4.  Going out of your own city to go to another hospital sucks.  I understand now why people go to those little community hospitals close to home even though all the services aren't there.  I'm only 5 minutes further than my hospital and I feel like I'm in a different province. 
5.  I've been on one side of health care for years as a nurse.  Now, I can honestly say that being on the patient side really, really sucks.  If I still worked at the bedside I'd be more caring and compassionate to all my patients that really annoy the hell out of me. 

So Close and Yet So Far Away

We changed hospitals.  The other one can't handle babies this early so they transferred us across the river.  We're still waiting to find out what the final decision is (I'm not sure they've decided yet).  I'll keep you updated. 

Here We Go Again...

Well we're back at the hospital again.  Her bloodwork is all out of whack and her bp is still wonky.  I think this time she's here for good.  For good as in until she delivers.  Hopefully later rather than sooner.  Don't call me until later, I'll be with her all afternoon. 

Whew

Well, I was back in bed with Celia by 3am. Her blood pressure stabilized and they let us go home. I'm falling asleep here at my desk today but at least I can go home after work instead of hang out at the hospital. As you can tell, I'm having a hard time concentrating on work.

Back Again

We're at the hospital right now.  Blood pressure was a bit high again.  Hopefully we'll be home tonight. 

Lost in Translation

I was reading an old issue of FHM Philippines and there was this interview with some filipino guy and he was talking about all his favourite stuff. "What's something you couldn't live without?" "Oh that's easy, its my PS2, straight out. I could play it for hours." Straight out? Who says that?

I remember as a kid, my grandmother would offer me something to eat. Often, I wasn't hungry or I just didn't feel like eating. The conversation would go like this:

grandma: "Do you want some?"
me: "No thanks."
grandma: "You don't like it?"
me: "Well I like it, I just don't want any."
I always thought it was funny how not wanting to eat something automatically meant I didn't like it. It was just recently that I finally realized that something probably got lost in translation. If I didn't feel like explaining why I didn't like something, the conversation went like this:

grandma: "Do you want some?"
me: "No thanks."
grandma: "You don't like it?"
me: "No."
grandma talking to someone else: "Oh Oliver doesn't like this. Its good, he should try it."
someone else: "Maybe he just doesn't know its good. Oliver, do you want to try this?"
me: "No thanks."
someone else: "You don't like it?"
Right back to where we started. Has this ever happened to someone else? I just remember getting really annoyed at these conversations.

Torture Me.

Last week I spent the night at the hospital with Celia. There was a little chair in the corner of the room the folds down into a "bed". The chair/bed is about the width of the average computer keyboard and, of course, the armrests of the chair become bedrails that prevent you from moving. As I'm lying on this super-uncomfortable torture device, all I can think of is "I have a new king-size bed at home." Being the selfish bastard that I am, I am thankful that Celia is no longer in the hospital because the thing I was sleeping on was the worst bed ever.

Signature Dish

Celia's been on bedrest for a few days now. I'm trying to paint and organize the main floor and today I got word that it has to be done within 2 weeks. I figure if I was able to prime and paint the kitchen in 2 days, the rest of the house shouldn't take too long. If anyone wants to help, I'll buy the beer and pizza if you come over. I still have to move a heavy-ass desk down the stairs at some point too.

Since Celia's stuck in bed I brought her computer into the room and hooked it up to the 32" LCD. with her wireless keyboard and mouse, she's surfing the web, chatting with friends, listening to iTunes, and paying bills all from bed. The thing I find funny is that her 19" monitor is sitting there on her desk 4 feet away from me and I haven't started using it yet. Soon...

I've had to prepare meals for the two of us since Thursday. As everyone knows, I can't cook. Someone asked me once what my signature dish was. Even people that can't cook have at least one dish they can make and make well. Here's my dish: instant noodles. I can make some pretty damn good instant noodles. Sometimes I'll even throw an egg in there.

Staying in Bed

No, I'm not staying in bed.  In fact, I'm doing anything but staying in bed.  Now that Celia is home, she is on bedrest until she delivers.  Everything else is okay and the babies are alright but Celia has to make sure they stay in there for at least another 4-6 weeks.  She's only allowed to be on her feet for up to 10 minutes at a time, she can only go downstairs once/day, and she isn't allowed to do sit-ups or crunches.  The first 2 things are difficult but so far the 3rd one has gone quite well.

Yay!

Good news, we're going home today.