Top Ten Gross Things in the Hospital

1. Cellulitis - when the skin is all maroon-coloured and bubbly-looking. ugh.
2. Unknown Fluids - sometimes, when you're standing at the bedside and you realize the floor is wet or the handrail is wet, you just don't want to know. I run off and wash my hands.
3. The Sound of coughers and hackers - y'know those people that start coughing and do their best to bring up a collection of alveoli? and they go at it for like, 10 minutes.
4. The Stuff coughers and hackers bring up - sputum is my weakness. Superman has green kryptonite, I have that disgusting yellowish, mucousy, gunk that makes me want to puke. usually I have to leave the room.
5. Body Fluids - I've lumped all body fluids together because it doesn't matter where it comes out of the body, its usually gross. A little bit of sweat is okay, but diaphoresis with bad B.O. is not. Stool, urine, and various forms of 'discharge' are all things I won't get within 10 feet of without gloves on my hands, a spare set of gloves in my pocket, a protective gown nearby (sometimes), and a sink with a lot of soap nearby.
6. Smells - that aroma you catch as you walk down the hallway and you know that the patient in one of the nearby rooms has C.diff.
7. Food - no offence to the kitchen staff, but there is absolutely no way to prepare meals for 600 people 3 times/day and make it look appetizing. If I'm ever hospitalized, I'm going to force my family to bring food in for me.
8. Bedsores - see, what happens is the skin breaks down because of the pressure from a bone or something. Bedsores are more common on the tailbone or the hipbone. They are not a pretty site and you don't ever, and I mean ever, want to have one. I've seen sores so deep you can see all the layers of tissue including the bone. And don't tell me it might be infected and smells. I'll have to go home sick.
9. Poor Hygiene - for some reason, people seem to think that being the hospital makes them exempt from the need for good personal hygiene. Hygiene is not simply to smell good, its for good health. Don't tell me you can't wash your hands because you broke your ankle, and don't try to tell me you don't need to wipe your ass because you can't reach it.
10. Vomit - this is the all-time worst. Everything about it, the sound people make when they're puking, the way they heave as they puke, the look on their face when they are puking, smell of the puke, the consistency of the puke - EVERYTHING. When my patients puke, I go get them gravol, or a wet towel to clean up with, or a new gown, or something. I'll say anything to get out of that damn room. It takes everything I've got to not get sick at times like this.