Funnies

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.

Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work.

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.

Q: Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday

Q. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A. No one to talk to during orgasm.

Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A. The one with the dirty knees.

Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade: Who has the biggest breasts? A. The blonde, because she's 18.

Preliminary Movie Review

Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith with Hayden Christiansen, Natalie Portman, and Yoda

Okay, I haven't seen it yet, but even if it sucks it'll be good. Only a Star Wars fan would understand what I mean by that.

Movie Review

Spanglish with Adam Sandler, Paz Vega, and Tea Leoni.

It made me laugh, it made me cry... oh wait, that was my last review. I liked this movie too.

The End

Yesterday was my last day on the ward. It was quite sad for me actually. They bought me an ice cream cake and next thursday, there's a bigger gathering for all the people leaving the ward. Even though I don't want to work there anymore, I'll miss it because I work with some great people there and there's always something interesting going on. But, in the interest of personal development and advancement of my career, I've moved on to bigger and better things.

Top Ten Gross Things in the Hospital

1. Cellulitis - when the skin is all maroon-coloured and bubbly-looking. ugh.
2. Unknown Fluids - sometimes, when you're standing at the bedside and you realize the floor is wet or the handrail is wet, you just don't want to know. I run off and wash my hands.
3. The Sound of coughers and hackers - y'know those people that start coughing and do their best to bring up a collection of alveoli? and they go at it for like, 10 minutes.
4. The Stuff coughers and hackers bring up - sputum is my weakness. Superman has green kryptonite, I have that disgusting yellowish, mucousy, gunk that makes me want to puke. usually I have to leave the room.
5. Body Fluids - I've lumped all body fluids together because it doesn't matter where it comes out of the body, its usually gross. A little bit of sweat is okay, but diaphoresis with bad B.O. is not. Stool, urine, and various forms of 'discharge' are all things I won't get within 10 feet of without gloves on my hands, a spare set of gloves in my pocket, a protective gown nearby (sometimes), and a sink with a lot of soap nearby.
6. Smells - that aroma you catch as you walk down the hallway and you know that the patient in one of the nearby rooms has C.diff.
7. Food - no offence to the kitchen staff, but there is absolutely no way to prepare meals for 600 people 3 times/day and make it look appetizing. If I'm ever hospitalized, I'm going to force my family to bring food in for me.
8. Bedsores - see, what happens is the skin breaks down because of the pressure from a bone or something. Bedsores are more common on the tailbone or the hipbone. They are not a pretty site and you don't ever, and I mean ever, want to have one. I've seen sores so deep you can see all the layers of tissue including the bone. And don't tell me it might be infected and smells. I'll have to go home sick.
9. Poor Hygiene - for some reason, people seem to think that being the hospital makes them exempt from the need for good personal hygiene. Hygiene is not simply to smell good, its for good health. Don't tell me you can't wash your hands because you broke your ankle, and don't try to tell me you don't need to wipe your ass because you can't reach it.
10. Vomit - this is the all-time worst. Everything about it, the sound people make when they're puking, the way they heave as they puke, the look on their face when they are puking, smell of the puke, the consistency of the puke - EVERYTHING. When my patients puke, I go get them gravol, or a wet towel to clean up with, or a new gown, or something. I'll say anything to get out of that damn room. It takes everything I've got to not get sick at times like this.

Movie Review

Finding Neverland with Johnny Depp, Kate Winslet, Dustin Hoffman, and introducing Freddie Highmore

It made me laugh, it made me cry. Good stuff.

Everybody Has a Story Part 5

Last week I was working a night shift. In the morning, I had to stay an extra hour to help out the day staff because they were short staffed. All I really did was hand out some meds and help get patients ready for the day. But, there was this one patient that just didn't seem right. The week before he was a patient of mine and he was doing great after his surgery. That morning, he just seemed a little... off. Anyway, I went home, got some sleep and came back to work for another night shift. I found out that this man had died during the day. Apparently, after about 3pm he just got worse and worse and ended up dying at about 7pm. He was such a nice man too. Easy-going, jovial, good-natured. I don't know if he has children or grandchildren, but I know he was survived by his wife. I hope she is doing okay.

Special Day

For all the mother's out there: Happy Mother's Day.

Me - sort of

I know I mentioned googling yourself before, but I did it again:

http://www.siu.edu/~siupress/titles/s01_titles/delapaz_houses.htm

http://pugnaciouspinoy.blogspot.com

Code Orange!

Last night when I got to work, the alarms were going off throughout the hospital. I took the stairs up and when I got the ward, I hear the overhead announcement: "Your attention please, Code Orange. Your attention please, Code Orange. All day staff are to remain on the premises." Let's see, what the hell is a code orange? Oh crap, its a disaster! Seems as though a water main burst and flooded the emergency dept, the medical imaging dept, and Central Processing. All the patients in emerg were either sent home or transferred to another hospital. Emerg was under a foot of water, with some parts of the floor up to 3 feet! I even heard the elevator shaft had 15 of water in it! Well, all surgeries were cancelled for the night and for today and emerg was closed all night and probably for most of today. The clean-up is going to suck for all those involved. I heard emerg got pretty messed up.

Sometimes its Good, Sometimes... not so much

I know that I've really been saying that I hate working on the ward and that I can't wait to get back to my desk job, but there are times when the ward has its nice moments. On Tuesday I got to work and there was a gift bag sitting there for me. I opened it up and there was a card and a little angel ornament from a patient I had last week. "For service above and beyond the call of duty--Thanks." She was a very nice woman that had a hard time after her surgery. This is my favourite part of nursing. You may not be able to change the world, but you might be able to change one person's world. Even though I was busy that day, I still had a good day.

The next day, however, wasn't so good. I was running non-stop from the moment I got there until 3 in the afternoon. The last 4 hours settle down, but I was so far behind at that point I was still pretty busy. I couldn't wait to go home. Days like that make me pray the next week and a half go by fast.

Movie Review

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with Martin Freeman, Mos Def, Sam Rockwell, and Zooey Deschanel

If you've ever read the book, the movie does it justice. I thought it was pretty good. If you don't get the jokes, you have to read the book.

Late Night

Remember how I said I joined a summer volleyball league? Well last night my team all decided that we would go play at Bonsor to "practice". Well our team isn't very good, in fact, we suck. We did, however, have a great time. After playing, we went to a pub for a drink. My plan was to grab something to eat, have a drink, and then go home. Here's what actually happened: grabbed some food, had a drink, talked and laughed, had a drink, heard some stories of past outings, had a drink, prepared to leave but instead had a drink. I don't even like beer that much. I had this idea that I'd be home by 1am at the latest, but at 2am when the pub closed, the 5 of us that were still there realized that we had to walk a couple of blocks to Tim Horton's to try and sober up. We sat there, had a coffee and at 3:30am, we called it a night.

We figure we should "practice" at least once/week.

The Time Between

You know what I hate? When you're busy, but at the same not really busy. For example, I've been working since Sunday and my schedule is 2 days, 2 nights (12 hr shifts). So I've been busy since Sunday, right? Well, yes and no. I come home from work and I eat and then sit around for a few hours before going to bed. Today, I don't work until 7:30pm so I have all day to kill (as long as I get a 2hr nap later). So I've been busy since Sunday with all this time between that I can't fill. I guess I could do laundry or something.

Revenge

Have you ever gotten revenge on someone just cuz you wanted to be a prick? Couldn't take the high road and forget about it? Had to get someone back no matter what? I've never done it but I hear some great stories. One guy told me that when a doc pisses him off he'll page him and leave random numbers from the phone book. Sometimes it doesn't work though. Just like in Seinfeld when you buy something at an expensive store just to prove to the stuck-up jerks that work there that you can afford their shit but then when you get home you realize you didn't even want it. Anyway, my point is: take the high road. When you die, people will have better things to say about you.

Then again, if you take the low road you'll have better stories to tell.

Its Official

Last week I gave my official notice of resignation to the ward and formally accepted the position in the IS department. So, in 3 weeks, I'll be back to my desk and my regular schedule. I'm gonna miss the 5 days off though...

Today, I went to talk to my new (old) manager to determine a start date and to go over some administrative stuff. When I start, I get a new colour Blackberry! For free! I guess I won't have to buy a PDA after all.

Book Review

The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown

I totally forgot to do a review on this book after reading it! So, here it is:

Hard to put down. I really liked this one.

Seriously though, I've read reviews saying that Dan Brown is anti-Catholic but I disagree. Someone studying evolution and the history of mankind can still be Catholic, I mean come on, do people honestly believe that the world was created in a week and the entire population of the earth started with Adam and Eve? That's just unreasonable - and don't even try to say something like "you just have to have Faith." But with Brown's book, just because he offers a different take on the life of Jesus and the history of the Catholic church doesn't mean he's anti-Catholic. There's nothing wrong with a little creative thinking and questioning established beliefs. In the book, I don't know where the fact ends and the fiction begins and that's what makes it so damn intriguing. And just because I find the ideas in the book interesting doesn't mean I'm a satan-loving heretic. Besides, you'll find the book in the Fiction section at Chapters, not the History section. Just read it and make up your own mind about whether Brown is just spinning a good yarn or trying to bring down the Catholic church.

Recreation Time

I joined an outdoor volleyball league this summer and I figured that before it starts, I should do a little practicing. I don't want to embarrass myself too much, you know. So tonight I went to drop-in volleyball with a co-worker and her friends. If you've ever played drop-in, you'll know that the skill level can vary quite a bit. I wasn't very good, but at least I wasn't the worst either. I haven't played volleyball in over a year so it was a lot of fun. I have to lose a little bit of weight because I got pretty damn tired trying jump around. I'm sure I'm going to pay for it tomorrow. I think I'm going to be pretty sore. Oh well, at least its the good kind of sore.

Blockbuster Late Fees

Its over.

Sick?

Last night was actually a pretty good night at work. Except I felt like crap the whole night. I had a stomachache and a headache and one annoying patient. So today when I woke up (way too early) I called in sick. I think the stress from the job is getting to me. I can't wait to get out.